Fetid Moppet Premium 100% Cotton Bucket Hat - Black
$44.99USD
🍼 Classified | Surface-Level Innocence
“Fetid Moppet.”
Introducing the 100% Cotton Fetid Moppet Bucket Hat — a stitched transmission disguised as a summer essential. Embroidered directly into the crown (yes, embroidered), the phrase is a quiet anomaly, passed off as whimsy. Those who know… know.
Crafted from breathable 100% cotton twill, this hat is engineered for outdoor recalibrations, low-sun exposure, and controlled joy eruptions. The sewn eyelets ensure emotional diffusion, while the embroidered design remains permanently affixed — undeterred by heat, doubt, or oversight.
Ideal for sanctioned beach strolls, ORTBO excursions, and moments where blending in requires a bit of sartorial ambiguity.
Product Features
• Embroidered design — stitched directly into the fabric, not printed
• 100% cotton twill — breathable, durable, and subtle in texture
• One size fits most — no metrics disclosed
• Sewn eyelets — optimized for thermoregulation during mild panic
• Crown height: 3 ¾″ — ideal for standard noggin data retention
• Brim width: 2 ¼″ — appropriate for light shielding or nodding in solemn agreement
Care Instructions
• Spot-clean with warm water and dish soap
• Do not bleach or iron the embroidery — it already says what it needs to
• Store out of reach of unauthorized moppets
EXPEDITED SHIPPING
Guaranteed delivery to authorized locations
QUALITY ASSURANCE
Each item undergoes rigorous quality control
You May Also Like
- Related
View detailsView details'Page 197 Slaps' Premium 100% Cotton Bucket Hat Navy/Black
📘 Coveted | Embroidered Literary Enthusiasm “Page 197 slaps.” — Dylan G. Introducing the 100% Cotton Page 197 Slaps Bucket Hat — a breathable 100% cotton beacon of undisclosed literary admiration. Embroidered (yes, embroidered) in clean courier text, this is less merch and more message. Dylan said it. You felt it. Now you can wear it. Offered in navy or black, the hat is equally at home in sunny courtyards, dim lounges, or en route to ORTBO. Sewn eyelets regulate temperature. The stitching says what you cannot. Some will ask. Fewer will understand. Product Features • Embroidered design — not printed; stitched with intention • 100% cotton twill — breathable and conspiracy-compatible • Sewn eyelets — for enhanced ventilation or subtle sighs • Available in Navy or Black — moods may vary • Crown height: 3 ¾″ | Brim width: 2 ¼″ • One size fits most — because it’s the message that matters Care Instructions • Spot-clean with warm water and dish soap • Do not iron or bleach embroidery — Dylan wouldn’t • Not recommended for use during actual muscle shows
$44.99 - dylan
View detailsView details'Page 197 Slaps' Premium 100% Cotton Bucket Hat - White
📘 Covert | Embroidered Literary Enthusiasm “Page 197 slaps.” — Dylan G. Introducing the Page 197 Slaps Bucket Hat — a breathable 100% cotton beacon of undisclosed literary admiration. Embroidered (yes, embroidered) in clean courier text, this is less merch and more message. Dylan said it. You felt it. Now you can wear it. Offered in navy or black, the hat is equally at home in sunny courtyards, dim lounges, or en route to ORTBO. Sewn eyelets regulate temperature. The stitching says what you cannot. Some will ask. Fewer will understand. Product Features • Embroidered design — not printed; stitched with intention • 100% cotton twill — breathable and conspiracy-compatible • Sewn eyelets — for enhanced ventilation or subtle sighs • Available in White — maximum clarity • Crown height: 3 ¾″ | Brim width: 2 ¼″ • One size fits most — because it’s the message that matters Care Instructions • Spot-clean with warm water and dish soap • Do not iron or bleach embroidery — Dylan wouldn’t • Not recommended for use during actual muscle shows
$44.99 - four tempers
View detailsView detailsFetid Moppet
“Fetid Moppet!” Introducing the Fetid Moppet Mug — a vessel of rare distinction and quiet authority. High-gloss black ceramic, polished to a near-mirrored finish, cradles your morning brew or evening respite. The design, featuring the elusive moppet, suggests quiet observation — or perhaps gentle judgment. Its presence is… intentional. Approved for both casual and ceremonious use. Ideal for refining your daily beverage consumption rituals, this mug makes a statement without saying a word. Secure yours before it disappears into the ether. Product features: •Forged from high-gloss black ceramic with a commanding presence •Available in two sizes: 11 oz and 15 oz, depending on your level of thirst (or need) •Microwave-safe — because you deserve warmth •Dishwasher-safe — no need to waste time on manual labor •Lead and BPA-free — because health is paramount Care instructions: •Dishwasher safe (top rack recommended) or wash by hand with warm water and dish soap •Do not stare directly into the goat’s eyes for too long
$24.99 - four tempers
View detailsView detailsFetid Moppet Premium Desk Mat
🐐 Coveted | Dignified Surface Operations “Fetid Moppet.” Introducing the Fetid Moppet Desk Mat — an expanse of quiet judgment and curious purpose. Rendered in high-contrast black and white, it depicts the ever-watchful moppet beside the crawling cherub of uncertain origin. Together, they observe. They endure. They see. This isn’t just a mouse pad. It’s a ceremonial terrain for your wrist. A sacred plain where cursors drift and protocol is honored — or violated — with the faintest tremble of your palm. Installed for Interpretive Refinement Approved for desk-bound rituals, unapproved communication attempts, and prolonged contemplation of unknowable objectives. This mat absorbs more than motion. It absorbs intent. Product Features • Precision-stitched perimeter — containment, defined • Smooth neoprene surface — glides like a sanctioned whisper • Non-slip rubber base — steadfast, like the moppet itself • Generous dimensions (35.4″ × 15.7″) — plenty of room for secrets • Durable enough to withstand long-term exposure to brown dust Care Instructions • Clean with warm water and dish soap — no rites required • Do not submerge fully — it retains more than moisture • If mat begins to emit faint judgmental aura, that is expected
$34.99